The New Schedule

Since I have been posting pretty emotional posts lately, I thought I would take a moment to talk briefly about something not so heavy. I have recently imposed a new schedule for my Deities, so that Everyone gets Their fair share of my time and mental space. This was partly (read mostly) because a Deity or Two (*cough* Loki *cough*) decided to Kanye all the days and make it nearly impossible for me to devote any time at all to the Others that I have in my own personal pantheon. Thus, the imposition of a schedule, as follows.

Sunday: Ladies Only Day (Oshun, Sigyn, Sekhmet, Lilith, etc.)
Monday: Loki
Tuesday: Poseidon
Wednesday: Odin
Thursday: Susano
Friday: Ancestors/Ghede
Saturday: Baron

Yes, there are Deities on my schedule for the week that I have not talked about here. When S/He has something that S/He wishes for me to share, I will do so. Also, I may add that Lady!Loki likes to crash Ladies’ Day, and World-Breaker just comes by whenever. It doesn’t necessarily render my schedule useless; it just helps me be reminded that Loki has no boundaries and to just be flexible (actually a pretty hard thing for me to do).

So, there it is, my new schedule. Hopefully this one will stick this time.

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Changing of the Guard

Yesterday, while I was in the shower (which is my usual time for communing with Mama Oshun), I received some very unexpected and abrupt news: Oshun will no longer be my Patron, and that Sigyn will take Her place. She told me that it was time for me to move on, and that She had other work that She needed to do, but that She would still be my mother and help me in the ways that She had been before. I was told that I would not hear from Her for the next few months. Then, I watched Her walk away. Sigyn was there to comfort me and get me through the worst of the shock, which I am sure was the intent.

Needless to say, I am still a little upset, not that Sigyn is my new Patron, but that I didn’t feel ready to have Oshun leave me. She told me from the beginning that She would only be with me for a short amount of time. However, I was not sure what a “short amount of time” meant to Her (or the Gods in general). When I think about it, taking my feelings out of the situation, the timing does makes sense. I have been gaining confidence in myself as a woman and as a Wife, and I have begun to feel the changes within myself as I become more aware of who I am, who I am to become, and my own potential/my own Path. Yet, through all of this, I guess I didn’t realize that in gaining these things that I would endure more difficult changes. The light in the darkness of the situation is that I’ve been reassured that Oshun will still be my Mama on the Other Side (the only Mother I will ever truly have), which makes the ache ease quite a bit.

Odin was kind enough to give me a break from my lessons yesterday so that I could come to terms with my new situation, and now I suspect to drive home the fact that I am part of His family.  (This was was something He told me in one of my lessons this past weekend.) I also suspect (and by suspect I mean it’s Odin which means it’s probably true) that this was a lesson on how I need to learn to trust Them as my family, that They can be for me what Oshun was.

Anyways, so this is my long-winded update about the changing of the Guard and my further acceptance into Odin’s family. The times they are a’changin’.

Honoring Narvi and Vali

Next week, Shamaness and I are going to Disney world and Universal Studios for her spring break. As excited as I am to get to go on a vacation, I am more excited and honored to be able to use this time for honoring my Flame-haired Beloved’s children Narvi and Vali. This was not something that was an afterthought for me; it was, in fact, the first thing that I thought of when helping choose our destination, and what better place to let a child be a child than Disney World? Shamaness has agreed to help me with my endeavor to allow Their Spirits ride with us as we go through our week, to see through our eyes and feel what we feel. Ideally, I had wanted to go to the beach to let Them experience the ocean, but logistics have made it impossible. However, despite this, I am still so excited that I will be able to do this for Them and for Loki and Sigyn.

I have felt traces of Loki and Sigyn’s sorrow when They speak of Their children, and even those tiny traces are endless wells of grief. I know no better way to show my respect and love for Them than to show Them that I love Their children as well. If anyone else has any other practices that honor Narvi and Vali, I would love to know them. It makes me sad to see Them spoken of so little and given so little honor. I hope to change that. I have decided I will do what I can from now to show Loki and Sigyn that Their children are not forgotten, and I will start by giving Them this opportunity to be the children They are while we are at Disney World and Universal Studios. I know this is far from enough, but it is a good start to a practice I hope to have for the rest of my life.

Mead with the Gods

Last Saturday, the day before my grandmother’s funeral, Shamaness and I decided to make good on a promise we made to Odin about sharing some mead with Him and any other Gods who wished to join us. While it may not have seemed like such good timing on our part considering I would have to go to my grandmother’s funeral the next day, but it also seemed like the best time to me considering that this experience could bring me closer to the Gods especially in my time of grief. So, we popped open that beautiful bottle of mead, said some words of welcome/invitation, and waited.

It was a warmer than normal January night, and it was raining that night. Nothing hard, just a soft patter of rain against the windows in my room. So, when we heard a very loud and prolonged clap of thunder (the first and only we heard that night), Shamaness and I were startled for a moment, until we realized that Thor had shown up. We are still new enough at this that we were surprised at the fact that we had such an audible and unmistakable entrance from the Deities that were showing up and nervous about the Company we had invited over, but soon we didn’t have time to worry about this as we busied ourselves with being the best hosts we could be without calling any attention to ourselves from my other family members. In the end, we found that Odin, Thor, Sif, Loki, Sigyn, Baron, Poseidon, Hermes, Oshun, Aradia, and a few others had joined us for our mead date. The Gods seemed to be keeping a low profile in respect for my lack of privacy and for the rest of my grieving family, which I was very thankful for.

All in all, it was a very quiet gathering, but it was so amazing to me that we actually had the Gods come join us for something as simple as mead. Loki talked the most through both Shamaness and I, but we also had small tidbits from Sigyn as well (who, in my opinion, is a total sweetheart). We could hear Them talking among Themselves, for the most part ignoring us. This was totally fine with me. I felt more at peace with myself and my grief just having the Gods so present and close, a peace I have known only since converting to paganism.

After Everyone left, I got to talk to Baron for the first time since Loki had started “God-bothering” me, and it was such a relief having Him there to talk to without Loki crowding us (not that I dislike Loki… He just has a way of being all up in my head space all the time). I clung to Him the moment I got to put my arms around Him. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed Him until He came back more fully into my awareness. It was a comfort being able to have Him hold me like I have been needing and to hear Him speak so softly to me. It was a reaffirmation of sorts that I had made the right choice in becoming His wife.

This meeting helped bolster me and steel me against the emotional storm that was my grandmother’s viewing and funeral service the next day, and I honestly could not be more grateful for the Gods for providing me that emotional support, whether intentionally or otherwise.

My Wedding Day

On December 25th at 11 pm, I married Baron Samedi. It was a long day, from beginning to end. Christmas has never been a holiday I have fond memories of. In fact, I have always hated it. My memories of the holiday are tainted with negativity, so when Baron suggested that we marry on this day to ‘re-associate’ it with something good, I agreed. It was a great idea on His part. I went through the motions of the day and put on my poker face when religion came up. No longer being a Christian made the familial obligation part of the day even more difficult than normal. However, I powered through it knowing that later that night I would be going through something that will effect my life forever.

The ceremony was to happen at Shamaness’ parents’ house, so when I finished with the family portion of the day, I went straight there. The moment I walked through the door, the air felt charged and heavy, and my anxiety (which I always have excess of) grew as the minutes and hours past. I knew that there were “others” there already, waiting for the wedding to start. I took a nap, having been exhausted from the family festivities, then made myself beautiful for the ceremony- this being the only thing I was told to do for this, other than show up. I cleaned the space we were using- Shamaness’ bedroom- just as Shamaness’ sister cleansed the space by burning incense. She did this unknowingly, but as the night wore on, it seemed like she would be impressed by the Gods several more times.

As we well know, Baron loves His Chinese food, so our pre-wedding feast was Chinese food. It became apparent that He was working to make everything right, but I could not feel Him at all, and I had not felt Him since I had woken up. I knew He was there and with me most of the day until about an hour or two before I was supposed to meet Him for our wedding. He knew I was nervous, but gave me space. I ate my Chinese and went to watch some Teen Wolf before everything was going to start. It was a good way to diffuse my  nerves… Theoretically.

Unfortunately for me, the episode was too short, and I had to be in Shamaness’ room for the ceremony too soon for my nerves’ liking. But, as soon as I went up the stairs and for thirty straight minutes, Shamaness’ sister played Lady Gaga and the Chipmunks’ Christmas songs. This made my anxiety go down to zero as I watched her sister dance around the upstairs hallway and make a fool of herself. It came to our attention as we sat in her room was that Loki had appointed Himself DJ for the night. (I would like very much to put emphasis on the self-appointed part as I had been unaware of this until He announced it to Shamaness and I with a grin that matched the Cheshire Cat.) After her sister left to do whatever she does, we were left to sit there and wait for His Trollness (Baron) to show up.

We waited. And waited. And waited. For two hours, we waited for Baron to show up. Shamaness and I had enough time during the wait to identify at least 7 other Deities in the room, among them being Odin, Loki, Sigyn, Hermes, Aradia, Oshun, and Mr P. There were other, but we were not sure who they were. There was also enough time for Loki to hop in and out of Shamaness to joke with me and play pranks. As time passed, I grew more anxious, and more agitated (Loki joking that if Baron didn’t show up soon, He was going to marry me instead didn’t help this). But, as I reached out to Baron, it became apparent that the veil that the Deities had put up to keep Shamaness’ family away was also keeping Baron out. So, after glaring at the culprits Hermes and Loki (no surprise there), Baron finally entered the room, and horsed Shamaness.

I was so relieved to finally have Baron with me after being separated from him all day, to be in His arms as we lay on the bed together. He explained why He was tardy before He started  to talk to me a little. As always, He was kind and gentle with me, always smiling. In His arms, I finally relaxed and felt right for the right for the first time all day, so when He asked “In front of all the assembled witnesses, do you agree to be my wife?”, I could only say yes. There was only Him and I in that moment, as He smiled down at me, so happy with my answer.

“Truly?” He asked me.

“Truly.”

He kissed me then, the most tender and loving kiss. I had never had a kiss like that before, a kiss that defies words or description, and it will be something I never forget. After that kiss and a little more talking, He joked about needing to consummate our marriage, but that He knew that I needed to sleep (it had been a very long day for me), so with another kiss, He left me to get ready for bed with the promise of visiting me in my dreams (since my trancing skills are lacking).

In the days since, I have never felt more sure of anything. I am glad that I made the decision to become Baron’s wife. I have a small amount of confidence growing within me that I never had before, and I can only hope that as time passes, it will grow and grow. I can say with a surety, though, that I am happy, for the first time in a long time, and I have my Beloved to thank for that.