Travelling, Trancing, and Mawwage

It’s been a while since I seriously sat down to write a post here. This is for a number of reasons, but I will keep it short and sweet: I have not had the spoons or the attention span to sit and finish anything. I went off my meds in December, which was no picnic, and in the time since, I have been relearning how to person, which is no easy process. I had forgotten what it was like to have all of my emotions unmuted, full-volume, and in the interim while I figured myself out, I had to deal with life as well. I’ve felt as if I haven’t had anything spiritually happening since December, and since this blog is not for my mundane life, I have been absent. For that, I am sorry.

Only a few things have happened that warrant mention here. The first is that I celebrated, albeit quietly, my second year anniversary with my Husband, Baron. I’m as surprised as anyone that I have managed to be married this long to A/anyone, but I am happy and as much in love with Him, if not more in love with him than I have ever been. So, here’s to another happy year of mawwage. *toasts*

Another thing I have been up to spiritually is the learning of boundaries and limits. (This will be a life-long learning thing, I can tell.) As you may know, I formally pledged myself to my people recently as their Queen/Khaleesi (they prefer to call me the latter), and since that day, I have worn a ring to signal to them and myself when I am “on” and “off” duty. I have worn it everyday since I made my pledge for the entirety of my waking hours and some of my sleeping ones, too. Well, as you can imagine, it takes A LOT of spoons to be “on duty” all of the time, and I have recently been advised to take a break. I say advised, when really I should say Told, but I prefer to think that I actually had some choice in the matter. I was reminded very gently that Baron is also our people’s King, and that I should remember that I am a human with a fragile body and even more fragile mind. It was also mentioned that this is a partnership, which means that it’s not as if my people are solely dependent on me. We’ll see how well this lesson takes root in my mind. It’s still a work in progress.

Yet another spiritual thing that has happened to me in my absence is that I was able to trance (sort of). I was on my way to visit a friend for New Years, and after I had finished reading “American Gods” by Neil Gaiman (which was phenomenal, by the way), I sort of tranced out, connecting with Odin. He told me that there is a sort of power being in transit from one place to another, and for wanderers like U/us, there is a way to tap into that energy. I apparently was able to do just that because I was able to *be* with Odin in a way that I have never really experienced before. I was like that for hours, fully awake, but not present in my body. It was an odd feeling. When I arrived at my destination, I had trouble reconnecting with my humanity, with my body. I realize now I should have grounded myself when I arrived, but there hadn’t been time to do it. It was just a weird feeling all together. It was like I shed my humanity, was a higher form of being for a short while. Something that had better insight than my human self had, something that was beyond the simple needs of humanity. I don’t know exactly what happened or who I was then, but it wasn’t human. I’m not sure my description of the feeling even makes sense, but I don’t have any reference. If any of you know more about this or have any resources, please let me know.

Anyways, yeah. This has been my life. I’m going to go to bed now. Night!

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Revelations

There have been some revelations for me recently, and I have had to sit with them for a while to get accustomed to them. Some parts are easier to sit with than others, but I’ve needed to brew over them to fully understand the implications. I’ve also debated whether or not I should even talk about them on here for fear that there might be some who don’t agree with what I say. However, since I have adopted the phrase “open and honest communication”, I think it would be best to keep that promise to myself to be as honest as I can be. Otherwise, what’s the point of sharing my story and my Path? So, without further ado, here are the revelations that I have had recently.

Revelation 1: I am Odin’s daughter.
Talk about a brick to the head this one was. I’ve mentioned before that I am the daughter of Sekhmet, but I have always known that, somewhere, I had a spiritual Father as well. I just didn’t know Who. I don’t remember exactly how this admission from Odin came about, but when He told me, I didn’t doubt what He said for a second. It rang so true to me that I think I surprised all of my Gods with how easily I took the information and didn’t question it like I normally do… Well, I had one question: Odin and Sekhmet? I still haven’t figured that one out. I feared telling anyone what I had discovered because I feared people would disbelieve me, UPG police me, mock me, or, worst of all, tell me that I was crazy and making things up. I am proud to be a daughter of Odin, just as I am proud to be a daughter of Sekhmet, and I am beyond happy that I can “keep” Odin in my life, so to speak. 🙂

Revelation 2: I now run with the Wild Hunt.
Before I knew I was Odin’s daughter, I had begun to see signs of other spirits coming into my life. At first it was subtle, but it soon progressed to pure terror. I would see things moving in the shadows; I had an unholy terror of the dark that I had never had before; and I felt, more than ever before, that I was being watched. I lived in terror of the night and the dark for weeks, to the point where I would not go out after dark for any reason. This terror triggered the very intense fight or flight instinct in me, but I also felt that I could never outrun the darkness, and the darkness felt so large and all-consuming that I was stuck in fear. Yet, the dark didn’t attack me or move towards me. Instead, it asked me to join it, to run with it. To ride with it. I decided to ask for Help, and I was Told to go to Odin. It didn’t take long for me to connect the dots that the Wild Hunt was asking me, as the daughter of Odin AND the Khaleesi of the Ghede, to join the Hunt. After pushing aside my utter terror, I realized that the things I was seeing and the spirits that were around me were merely curious about me, as this was the first time I had been acknowledged by Odin. Knowing that the Hunt meant me no harm, I accepted the invitation to join the Wild Hunt, and from now until who knows when, the Ghede and I shall ride alongside the Hunt.

Revelation 3: Who I am bodily is the same as who I am spiritually.
This may seem like a no-brainer to most anyone else, but because I struggle with body image issues and a depression that makes me not like myself on the best of days, I have always operated under the assumption that my soul, my spirit, is very different from who I am bodily (including my personality). So, learning and having to sit with the fact that the only real difference between the two is the effect of my brain chemistry on my body, has been difficult at best. In fact, it makes me feel a lot worse in many respects because I always held out the hope that when I moved to my “life” as a Goddess, that I would somehow be more, better than I am now. Yes, in many ways I will be more and better, being a Goddess will do that, but I will still be me, and it depresses me. I dislike myself that much. I struggle with this, even with the constant reassurances from my Husbands and the other Deities in my life that I am loved just as I am. This will probably be something that I work on for the rest of my life and a daily struggle. So, it may be much longer for this one to sit comfortably with me, if it ever gets that far.

Revelation 4: Baron Kriminel is another face of Baron Samedi.
I had read in some places during my initial research of Baron/the Loa that some believe that all of the Barons were actually just different faces of the same Being. I hadn’t really believed that until recently. In fact, I have pretty much made it my business to avoid Baron Kriminel at all costs because He scares the living crap out of me. His initial impression on me was less than favourable, so to hear Him tell me that He loves me and that my Marriage vows to Baron Samedi apply to him and all of the other Barons as well… I actually wasn’t surprised so much as confused. I mean, considering my previous encounters with Kriminel, I never thought he was capable of liking someone, let alone loving someone. He tells me, though, that He never wished to hide what He is from me and that I needed to know what He and all of the other Deities are capable of: the good and the bad. I have been incredibly lucky that my experiences with spirits and Deities have mostly been good. With Kriminel, though, not so much, and I accept that. His face serves a purpose (to deliver justice to those who have wronged others). Even though He has been abrasive at best with me, thus far, I also accept that His role in my life serves a purpose, too. I am not ready to discuss this purpose yet, but I accept Him as He is, and He accepts me as I am as well. I can’t say this will be a smooth sailing kind of relationship, but I hope, in the end, all works out well.

These are the four revelations I have had in recent weeks, and as I am coming into myself more and more, taking on more responsibility as a daughter of Gods and as a Khaleesi to a great band of spirits, I feel myself growing in personal power. I can feel it unfurling within me. It’s a heady feeling, and I am fairly sure that this is just the beginning of something huge that is going to happen in my life, but we’ll see.

Halloween and Los Dias de los Muertos

I decided earlier this year that I would honor my Khalisar (the Ghede, if you are so inclined), during the three day interval of Halloween and the Days of the Dead. The first two days I would honor my Khalisar and the last I would honor my beloved Baron, Whom is traditionally honored on this day. I couldn’t do much this year because I had work, but I did what I could to live up to my promise to my people, as their Khaleesi and as a Wife of Gods.

I lit white candles and burned incense; I left an offering of alcohol for them; and on the final day, I made a huge meal and shared it with them. A friend of mine, Canadian, was with me for the last day of my celebrations, so it made it a little difficult to celebrate as I would have wanted because he is a staunch atheist and snarks at most religious observances. I was assured, though, that my offerings of food and the burning of candles pleased my people and my Gods, so I couldn’t be happier.

Because this was an experimental holiday for me, I have some things I would like to change for next year, but I will continue to ponder on what is feasible for me when the time comes.

Quiet on the Homefront

Things have been really hectic as of late. I started a new job that a absolutely love, and I have been busy trying to get to know my students as well as becoming accustomed to the new schedule, which is different every day. Exhausting, to be sure, but rewarding.

Now that I am living in a quieter environment and have more time to reflect, I am getting better reception on my Godphone, which is a huge relief. I have felt such a disconnect with my Beloveds and the other Deities in my Pantheon. I have been able to spend some quality time with my Gods that had not been possible until recently. This was not due to neglect on my part, I am Told, but rather I had a person come into my life that helped me learn many things about myself. This person (henceforth called Canadian) helped me in diminishing the effects of the trauma that I had sustained throughout my childhood, as well as helping me become aware of the world around me. In order to become a good Khaleesi, this was something I needed to do.

All in all, everything has been going quite well. My mind has never felt clearer. I hope to continue this upward trend so that I can become the best person I can be, for myself and my Gods. 

“Apotheosis” and “I Was Born for This”: Songs that Speak to Me

This video is a medley from the PS3 video game called “Journey”. This video game was truly breathtaking in a way that I had not experienced before. Not only were the graphics incredibly beautiful, but the soundtrack to this game blew me away. Never have I been so moved by a video game before, and it came at a time when I needed to be reminded of something very important. 

This game reminded me that there was more to this life than what I was doing. I was so mired in the daily grind, the stress of an ill-fitting job that I forgot my purpose here in this life, forgot what I was supposed to be doing with my time. The excuses as to why this is matter not; what does matter is that my Gods gave me a reminder in a way that would be very clear to me that I needed to step back and look at the bigger picture of my life instead of only seeing the small, imperfect details. I am a Khaleesi and, at the end of this life, I am to become a Goddess. It matters that I remember this above all else, so that I can keep things in perspective.

The Gods, I have found, will always speak to you in a way that you can understand and will give you the signs you need in order to get you to pay attention. For me, giving me signs and omens via audio and visual media have always been the most successful way to communicate with me, and it has proven effective time and time again. Thankfully, unlike a lot of mainstream religions, the Gods don’t apply a “one size fits all” approach to Their followers.

Anyways, please enjoy this song, and if you are so inclined, here are the links to the rest of the soundtrack and where to buy the game. 🙂

Soundtrack: 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kvmPh2nYBM
Game:
http://www.amazon.com/PS3-Journey-Collection-Playstation-3/dp/B008CP6RWU/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1408948781&sr=8-1&keywords=journey+ps3

Sacred Khaleesiship, aka Sacred Queenship with a Twist

This is totally me.

So, I have know for some time now that one of my Paths is that of Sacred Queenship. However, since I was incredibly squeamish about becoming a Queen, it was unanimously decided that my constituents (or whatever you would like to call them) would call me Khaleesi instead, and they have continued this to this day. Yes, this is incredibly pop culture, and I am very aware of the fact that many people murf about this (I honestly have no opinion on the matter whatsoever), but it served a purpose for me personally: it helped me become comfortable not only with my new role, but also with my people.

This is pretty much what they told me.

So, yeah. I am a Khaleesi to a Khalisar of many spirits. I am very lucky that they are a very flexible and humorous bunch. I hope to be a very good Khaleesi for them now and always.

Khaleesi out. 😛