B for Beloveds

I’m going to preface this with a little bit of a disclaimer: I’m not wholly comfortable posting this, because I know that many people don’t view my orientation (polyamory) as valid. However, this is my blog, and this is my space to share my story, so I’m choosing to speak on this so that others like myself can read this and know that they aren’t alone.

Anyways.

I’ve expressed before about my earliest sentiments regarding Godspousery and having romantic relationships with the Gods (hint: they weren’t so favorable). So, if you would have told me that I would have not one but four romantic relationships with my Gods, I would have laughed. Deep, meaningful, and intimate relationships with my Gods and polyamory? Running away whilst screaming would be a very delicate way to describe what I would have done. Thankfully, my Gods know me well enough that They didn’t overwhelm me with everything, but came to me One at a time. It wasn’t an easy feat for Them by any means, but I have to commend Them for Their patience and unwavering desire to get what They want.

As you might have guessed, Baron came into my life just after Oshun, making Him the second Pagan God in my life. At first, I was totally terrified of Him, like called-my-best-friend-crying-from-terror kind of fright. I sensed Him everywhere, especially at night. He was everywhere I was at all times, and when I expressed fright or feeling overwhelmed, He receded, but not completely. He wanted me to feel Him, breathe Him in; He wanted me to know Him completely, just as He wanted to know me. Baron was at His most powerful when I first remember His presence, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget what it was like. His intensity was unlike anything I had ever known. It was this that taught me that a relationship with Him, or any other God, would be unlike everything I knew and would be more than I could ever hope to have with a human. It was terrifying, at first, to be the focus of such… feelings, but as time passed, I grew to enjoy the feeling of being enveloped in Someone that I loved deeply. Baron and I were married a short time after He first came into my life, on Christmas Day, after much persuasion on His part.

Loki had a more difficult job, in some ways. He came into my life around the same time Baron did, but He wasn’t a constant presence like Baron was. During my research phase, I read a lot about Loki, and I felt such a pull, a connection. He took His time, though, and let Baron convince me that being a Godspouse was for me. Loki, on the other hand, had to teach me that being intimate with more than One… Person? God? was okay, and that it didn’t make me a slut or diminish my worth in any way (thank you, Christian ideology). This was so, so difficult for me, especially as He didn’t let up on His pursuit of my affection. He was overly fond of jumping into Shamaness and surprising me. He once even made out with me using Shamaness’ body, just to prove that He and I had a connection that I couldn’t deny or ignore, despite being Married to Baron. Loki never let me distance myself from Him and proved time and time again that the intensity between Baron and I was just as present between Him and I. It was very stressful to learn this lesson, but when I was ready, I did accept Him into my life as a permanent romantic fixture/Husband.

Poseidon came into my life through Shamaness, and for a while, O/our relationship was very distant. He was not involved with my life, unless I sought Him out for questions, of which there were many. With Poseidon, there was never any fear; He is a God that I have been fascinated with since childhood. At first it was like talking to a superhero: I was awestruck and asked many, many questions. The more I spoke with Him, the fonder I grew of Him. I enjoyed the easiness I felt with Him. Yes, there was intensity, but mostly He was gentle, kind, and patient with me. I don’t know how or when my fondness for Him turned to love, and when it did, I felt a great deal if guilt. I already had two wonderful Husbands, and at first, He didn’t seem to respond in kind to my adoration, but I realized, with time, that His affection is not displayed like Baron’s or Loki’s is, and with help, I soon let go of my fear and anxiety. Letting Poseidon in was easy, like breathing. He filled me up, every inch saturated with Him, and it felt like I had come home.

The last, but not least, of the Gods to come into my life as a romantic fixture was Susano. He definitely came at me sideways in terms of letting me know that He wanted me as His Wife. At Shamaness’ recommendation, I approached Him before making my way to Japan as a sort of formal introduction before me and my Gods entered His (and His Family’s) territory so as not to offend Anyone or find myself in a spiritually hostile situation. Before my arrival, He and I conversed quite a bit, and in that time, He and I grew closer. There wasn’t an exact moment where I realized, “Hey, I think I’m falling in love with this Guy.” However, Susano was never subtle or cunning about His feelings for me, when I realized that that was his intent. (This is when He did this.) It was an overwhelming time for me all around and having yet another God come up into my life wanting to be romantically involved with me caused me to be very caustic at first, but once again, Shamaness was there to soften me a bit as well as Susano Himself, of course. He and I married a few months after my arrival in Japan.

❤ ❤ Tl;dr: I’m a polyamorous Godspouse who’s married to four Gods from four different pantheons. It’s amazing, to be honest. that I could feel so much love in my heart while also feeling so much love directed at me in return. I’m truly blessed to have so much love in my life, and I’m so, so grateful for Each of my wonderful Beloveds. I don’t love One more than the Others, nor do I have a Favorite. I love Them all with every fiber of my being. I am Theirs. They are mine. I’m loved, and I couldn’t ask for more. ❤ ❤

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