Sometimes I am Dense

For the longest time back in 2013, I had an obsession with a song that persisted for days. I had only been in Japan for about a month or so when this song crawled inside my head and wouldn’t go away. I listened to it for hours and hours, but it wouldn’t leave my head no matter what. It took about a month before I actually understood that this song was a message to me, and that this message would be blared louder and louder until I understood what it meant.

This was the time when I was being courted by Susano, the Japanese God of the sea and summer storms, and because I am, unsurprisingly, very stubborn and not easily wooed, Susano was having a rough time of wooing me. This task of His was made especially hard with the combined issues of my depression flaring up, moving to a new country, and having to acclimate myself to a new country, culture, and job. He was patient with me the first month of my time in Japan, for obvious reasons, but as time wore on, He grew to be impatient with me when it came to me accepting Him into my heart.  That’s when this song became my obsession.

After a while, I did get it. I understood that He was asking me to let Him into my heart and to let Him love me. He was asking me if I would be brave enough to trust Him like I trusted Baron, Loki, and Poseidon. In truth, I was terrified to do so. It’s not easy to love a God, much less four of Them. So, I was hesitant to let this God into my heart like I had done with the Others. I worried that people, should they find out, would think that I was lying or that it wasn’t possible to love more than one God romantically. I thought that people would attack me for my belief, or that I was being selfish in some way, but, to be honest, it makes so much sense that this is the situation that I would find myself in. I’m a polyamorous, pansexual polytheist who happens to be a Godspouse, and while there might be people who question my beliefs, I have learned that this is my Path, and I will walk it without adhering to anyone’s judgement but my Gods’ and my Husbands’.

Long story short, it took a song to get Susano to get me to understand His position and what He wanted from me. I took a leap of faith and let Him into my heart, and I have not had a single doubt since then. I am His, and He is mine. I love Him so very much. I am glad that I was brave enough to let Him into my heart, because I feel complete now, more than ever before.

Here’s to you, Susano, for daring me to be brave.

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One thought on “Sometimes I am Dense

  1. Pingback: B for Beloveds | Adventures of a Baby Pagan

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