Water for the Sun and Tea for Love

I’m personally not very big on elaborate rituals, as I prefer the small day-to-day things to honor my Gods and Goddesses. This way, I can be mindful of Them without being overwhelmed with the trappings of overt libations and offerings. (Not that this is bad; I just get way to anxious about everything to do much that is big and elaborate.) So, in this spirit, I conversed with my Deities, and They suggested two of the following things for Them.

First, I leave a glass of water on the windowsill in my kitchen for Amateratsu. I leave it out all day and let the sun shine on it as an offering to Her. That night, I drink the water (in the interest of not being wasteful) and refill the glass for Her. This also, I’m Told, helps me drink more water and be mindful of myself/my needs, while also being mindful of the Sun Goddess.

Second, along the same lines as above, I’ve recently started to leave a cup of tea out for Oshun, when I don’t make myself a cup. Usually, She takes Her offering from the cup that I’ve made for myself, but when I don’t want to make tea for myself for whatever reason, I will make Her a cup and fix it to Her preferences. I’ve even gone so far as to start putting honey in my own tea, which She tells me is for my own good, as well as what She likes. (“You use less sugar when you put honey in your tea, which is a good thing for you, My dear.”)

So, yeah, these are both very small things I do, and both sound very selfish, but since I often neglect myself, my Gods have helped me devise ways to both honor Them and to honor myself, which is something my Gods tell me is very important. I do sometimes forget, as I have a depression- and anxiety-impaired memory, but I’m usually reminded gently when my brain has untangled itself from whatever it had blocked it in the first place. Anyways, this is just a couple of the things in my daily practice. 🙂

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Tired of Speaking Sweetly, by Hafiz

This is a gorgeous poem. Please enjoy.

Silver and Gold

(How much do I love poetry written by mystics?! Let me count the ways…)

Tired of Speaking Sweetly

Love wants to reach out and manhandle us,
Break all our teacup talk of God.

If you had the courage and
Could give the Beloved His choice, some nights,
He would just drag you around the room
By your hair,
Ripping from your grip all those toys in the world
That bring you no joy.

Love sometimes gets tired of speaking sweetly
And wants to rip to shreds
All your erroneous notions of truth

That make you fight within yourself, dear one,
And with others,

Causing the world to weep
On too many fine days.

God wants to manhandle us,
Lock us inside of a tiny room with Himself
And practice His dropkick.

The Beloved sometimes wants
To do us a great favor:

Hold us upside down
And shake all the nonsense…

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Sometimes I am Dense

For the longest time back in 2013, I had an obsession with a song that persisted for days. I had only been in Japan for about a month or so when this song crawled inside my head and wouldn’t go away. I listened to it for hours and hours, but it wouldn’t leave my head no matter what. It took about a month before I actually understood that this song was a message to me, and that this message would be blared louder and louder until I understood what it meant.

This was the time when I was being courted by Susano, the Japanese God of the sea and summer storms, and because I am, unsurprisingly, very stubborn and not easily wooed, Susano was having a rough time of wooing me. This task of His was made especially hard with the combined issues of my depression flaring up, moving to a new country, and having to acclimate myself to a new country, culture, and job. He was patient with me the first month of my time in Japan, for obvious reasons, but as time wore on, He grew to be impatient with me when it came to me accepting Him into my heart.  That’s when this song became my obsession.

After a while, I did get it. I understood that He was asking me to let Him into my heart and to let Him love me. He was asking me if I would be brave enough to trust Him like I trusted Baron, Loki, and Poseidon. In truth, I was terrified to do so. It’s not easy to love a God, much less four of Them. So, I was hesitant to let this God into my heart like I had done with the Others. I worried that people, should they find out, would think that I was lying or that it wasn’t possible to love more than one God romantically. I thought that people would attack me for my belief, or that I was being selfish in some way, but, to be honest, it makes so much sense that this is the situation that I would find myself in. I’m a polyamorous, pansexual polytheist who happens to be a Godspouse, and while there might be people who question my beliefs, I have learned that this is my Path, and I will walk it without adhering to anyone’s judgement but my Gods’ and my Husbands’.

Long story short, it took a song to get Susano to get me to understand His position and what He wanted from me. I took a leap of faith and let Him into my heart, and I have not had a single doubt since then. I am His, and He is mine. I love Him so very much. I am glad that I was brave enough to let Him into my heart, because I feel complete now, more than ever before.

Here’s to you, Susano, for daring me to be brave.

Travelling, Trancing, and Mawwage

It’s been a while since I seriously sat down to write a post here. This is for a number of reasons, but I will keep it short and sweet: I have not had the spoons or the attention span to sit and finish anything. I went off my meds in December, which was no picnic, and in the time since, I have been relearning how to person, which is no easy process. I had forgotten what it was like to have all of my emotions unmuted, full-volume, and in the interim while I figured myself out, I had to deal with life as well. I’ve felt as if I haven’t had anything spiritually happening since December, and since this blog is not for my mundane life, I have been absent. For that, I am sorry.

Only a few things have happened that warrant mention here. The first is that I celebrated, albeit quietly, my second year anniversary with my Husband, Baron. I’m as surprised as anyone that I have managed to be married this long to A/anyone, but I am happy and as much in love with Him, if not more in love with him than I have ever been. So, here’s to another happy year of mawwage. *toasts*

Another thing I have been up to spiritually is the learning of boundaries and limits. (This will be a life-long learning thing, I can tell.) As you may know, I formally pledged myself to my people recently as their Queen/Khaleesi (they prefer to call me the latter), and since that day, I have worn a ring to signal to them and myself when I am “on” and “off” duty. I have worn it everyday since I made my pledge for the entirety of my waking hours and some of my sleeping ones, too. Well, as you can imagine, it takes A LOT of spoons to be “on duty” all of the time, and I have recently been advised to take a break. I say advised, when really I should say Told, but I prefer to think that I actually had some choice in the matter. I was reminded very gently that Baron is also our people’s King, and that I should remember that I am a human with a fragile body and even more fragile mind. It was also mentioned that this is a partnership, which means that it’s not as if my people are solely dependent on me. We’ll see how well this lesson takes root in my mind. It’s still a work in progress.

Yet another spiritual thing that has happened to me in my absence is that I was able to trance (sort of). I was on my way to visit a friend for New Years, and after I had finished reading “American Gods” by Neil Gaiman (which was phenomenal, by the way), I sort of tranced out, connecting with Odin. He told me that there is a sort of power being in transit from one place to another, and for wanderers like U/us, there is a way to tap into that energy. I apparently was able to do just that because I was able to *be* with Odin in a way that I have never really experienced before. I was like that for hours, fully awake, but not present in my body. It was an odd feeling. When I arrived at my destination, I had trouble reconnecting with my humanity, with my body. I realize now I should have grounded myself when I arrived, but there hadn’t been time to do it. It was just a weird feeling all together. It was like I shed my humanity, was a higher form of being for a short while. Something that had better insight than my human self had, something that was beyond the simple needs of humanity. I don’t know exactly what happened or who I was then, but it wasn’t human. I’m not sure my description of the feeling even makes sense, but I don’t have any reference. If any of you know more about this or have any resources, please let me know.

Anyways, yeah. This has been my life. I’m going to go to bed now. Night!

Reminders of Loki

Here is a quote and a poem that reminds me of my Beloved Flamey Husband. Please enjoy!


There
are fires,
vast and endless,
that burn in m
for you.
And I will
carry them until
you are ready
to walk though
the flames
of me.

– William C. Hannan


“The best thing you can do is master the chaos in you. You are not thrown into the fire; You are the fire.”

– Mama Indigo