So, I have grappled with talking about the status of my Relationship because not only am I a Godspouse, but I am a Godspouse to more than one God. It is a difficult concept for many people in Western society to accept that there are other types of relationships outside of the standard monogamy. Honestly, it was difficult for me to accept that not only did I love a God, but I loved more than one God. My first thoughts referenced other Godspouses who have devoted their entire beings to their Spouse, even saying that they were Owned by their Spouse. Initially, I felt bad that this was not the category that I fit into, but I soon learned that the sentiment of “each person’s Path is their own” is very true.
The more I grow and understand myself as a spiritual being, as a Khaleesi and as a Wife, the more I understand why the Path that I am on suits me more than I had originally thought. It was only recently that I began to truly understand at least one of the reasons that I am in this relationship dynamic rather than a more traditional one, and to the casual observer, it may seem prideful, arrogant, or what-have-you. It is simply this: because I am to be a Goddess in my own right, it is a courtesy and a respect to me and the position I will hold once this life ends. My existence as a Goddess won’t be contingent on being my Husbands’ Wife. I will be as much my own person as I am Their Wife. (This is not to say that this doesn’t apply to others that follow a similar Path, but I can only speak for myself in this respect.) Just as my Gods cannot share the entirety of Their heart and beings with me, so it is with me as well. This is more tightly bound in my current situation and personality than I can really say, but it is true nonetheless.
Given my temperament and my needs, I am someone who truly does need touch and physicality to feel psychologically sound and safe. This is just who I am. This is yet another reason why I am permitted not only to have more than one Husband, but also why I am allowed human lovers. At the beginning of my time as a Godspouse, I lamented that I would have to become a celibate nun, only allowed the touch of my Husband, and it worried me beyond measure that I would not have my touch needs met. As it turned out, this was not something I needed to worry about at all. I can have my needs met in ways that my Husbands cannot do for me at the moment. This doesn’t make me a needy person or a bad Wife, and it took me ages to understand that I am not a lesser person for having needs that my Divine Marriage couldn’t address. Of course, I still seek the counsel of my Husbands when it comes to the needs of my body and with whom I share it with, and that strengthens my bonds with Them, not weakens it.
Being in a polyamorous relationship, whether it be with Gods or humans, demands a high level of communication between me and my Partners as well as a level of trust that I have never allowed A/anyone to have with me. Each day, it gets easier to talk with and trust my Loves to guide me where I need to be and what I need to do. It isn’t always easy for me, and I still have many hangups, but I can say that I love and respect my Husbands more for allowing me the freedom to get my needs met and connect with people.
I am well aware that there are probably many people out there that will disagree with me on this, and while I could plaster this whole post with “your mileage may very”, “this is my UPG”, and etc., I won’t do this. The dynamic I have with my Husbands is between U/us and U/us alone, and I don’t really care what other people think about my Relationships. I am writing this simply because I truly believe that it is important to show that there isn’t just one way to be a Godspouse. This Path is not “one size fits all”, and any who choose to say that it is, in my opinion, is not worth my concern. As long as all parties in a R/relationship are happy and fulfilled, then why does it matter if it doesn’t look like everyone else’s R/relationship?
I am truly very happy in my Relationships. Is it easy to please more than one Husband? Fuck no. Is it easy to juggle the needs of E/everyone involved? Fuck no. But, you know what? In the end, I will be stronger, happier, and more fulfilled than if I had chosen the easy route and ignored the stirrings of my heart that led me to have more than one Marriage. My heart is bottomless, and my love is endless. I am truly blessed to have the opportunity to share my love with my Husbands, and I thank Them daily for Their love and care. Happiness is mine, and it is glorious.