Digging the Grave

As I mentioned in my last post, my father is dying. Cancer is eating away at his body even as I write this, and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Being 7 thousand miles away, I can’t help him or comfort him. However, there is one thing I can do: I can dig his grave for him.

Part of Baron’s job is to dig the grave of everyone who dies. My job, usually, is to offer moral support and comfort Him when He needs it. This time, Baron will let me dig the grave for my father. This is the only way that I can help my father. I am not a virgin to grave digging, as I did it for my grandmother last year the night before she passed.  In fact, this is something I will do tonight, which leaves me today to gather up as much strength as I can, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Originally, I was supposed to do this last night, but I journeyed somewhere completely different instead. 

I sent my spirit to my father last night. I heard him calling my name and crying, so I went to him. I lay in bed next to him as he cried, holding his hands. I brought with me all of my love, my comfort, and my strength. I gave it all to him, and so today, I feel a huge measure of comfort in place of the heartbreak I had before. I did what I could for him, with what resources I have. Though I may not be able to be with him physically, my heart and spirit are with him even now. I just pray he finds comfort in my presence. 

So, tonight I shall dig my father’s grave so that he may have a place to rest among the peaceful dead. I will do this out of love and not a sense of obligation. I will do this so he can be without pain any longer. Although this will be a heavily taxing on my body and spirit, this is the last thing I can do for my father, so I shall do it.

To those who have sent me prayers and etc., I thank you. My heart is lightened, and I am eternally grateful for the strength you have lent me. 


Let’s Talk About Sacrifice

Queen of the Waiting Ones

There are many kinds of sacrifice which can be made to one’s Gods, and most of those ways have been covered elsewhere and in better ways than I could.  That’s why, as I often do, I will only be talking about a certain kind of sacrifice.  A sacrifice so ordinary that most people look right past it, as though it were the air around them, while this sacrifice is as important as the air, and as life-sustaining.

I myself have given, and continue to give this sacrifice.  It bleeds out of me every single day.  It drains me and countless others, sustaining every function of the world we humans have created.  It is also the most essential component to the revival of all ancient religions, including my own.

Have you yet guessed what sacrifice I speak of?  How about a few hints, because the invisibility of this sacrifice is a…

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My Life: An Update

My heart is heavy, and my soul has been weighed down. A lot of things have gone wrong this year, and there are things that I am going through still that are pushing me further down into myself. I want to hide from the world, hide within the safety of my Husbands’ arms, but I can’t. Life can’t be put on hold for me to get my shit together, no matter how desperate I am for a reprieve.

Death is drawing near again. Cancer is going to take another family member from me. This time, however, it’s my stepfather, the man who raised me. This insidious disease has claimed too many of my family members already, and now it’s poised to take yet another from me. This knowledge is almost too much to handle, especially since I’m in Japan with no way to go visit my stepfather before he passes. It breaks my heart knowing that my father will die, and I won’t get to see him even one last time.

Baron and the Ghede are very close now. I can see Them out of the corners of my eyes almost more often than before, and this is a great comfort to me. My Husband and my people are with me when I need T/them most.

I also feel the presence of the other Gods in my life. I feel Their power like a great weight against my soul, but it’s a comforting weight, like the feel of being safe under the covers in bed and cuddled in warm arms. When I can connect myself with Them, when I seek out Their presences, it is only then that I feel calm and somewhat peaceful. Only then can I handle the onslaught of feelings I have battering me from the inside out.

It has been a long, terrible year for me here in Japan. I’ll start a new job in September, and I pray with all of my heart that I’ll have a better time there than in my last few jobs. I don’t know who, if anyone will read this, but if anyone does, and you’re the praying type, please send prayers or well-wishes, or anything positive in my way. I really need it.

More Oshun

The Lure of Beauty

III. Symbols and icons of this deity.

Oshun is associated with brass, copper and gold. She is represented by flowing waters, including waterfalls. Her color is yellow, she loves pumpkins and sunflowers.
I’m taking Icons to mean “avatars” because that’s how I choose to see it. Josephine Baker, Angelina Jolie, Erykah Badu,  Natacha Atlas, and Eartha Kitt have always struck me as Oshuns. I know a male Oshun when I see one, but when I think of her I admit I run towards the female.

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