Apothe-what?

Apotheosis. A very big sounding word for a very serious meaning and spiritual Path. In short, it means to becoming divine, as in a deity (this is how it has been explained to me by Baron and Loki). Little baby pagan that I am, I am new to this terminology, but as the lessons in my life have shown me, the Gods will divvy out Their lessons on Their time, regardless of whether you are ready for them or not. This is something that has been pressing against my consciousness for some time now, and I really can’t ignore it any longer.

It has come to my attention, via both Baron and Loki, that I am one of the few who are chosen to be lifted up to the position of being a deity alongside my Husband and my Patrons. This Path was one that I have known about pretty much since I met and married Baron.  It is a strange concept to think about, in all honesty. It was never formally introduced to me in any fashion. It was more understood than anything else, until I asked my Beloved about it, as a joke. His reply? “Well, you want to be with Me forever, right?” Since then, I have just joked about it out loud to Shamaness, Loki, and Baron, while on the inside owl-eyeing at the prospect. I am reminded of it very frequently, whether by Loki calling me “baby goddess” or me joking about what kind of Loa I will be (“I think I am going to be the Loa of Derp.”). As fits with my personality, I deal with things with humor until I can puzzle things out, figure out how I feel about it and what I wish to do. Unfortunately for me, I still haven’t figured out what I feel about this.

Loki’s recent lessons and World Breaking has been to prepare me for the role I will assume as a Loa. I will not go into detail as to exactly what that is, I will say that it has involved learning how to enjoy myself for who and what I am, even though it will make my prior thought structures protest. LOUDLY. Let’s just say that being a “nun” was never going to be my path. Anyways, He has been pushing to do things that I would not normally ever have thought I would ever do, and it has pushed me to the brink again and again having to confront the fact that I am not the person I have always forced myself to be. But, in the spirit of learning the ways of Loki, I have learned that it is easy to just go with His flow and worry about everything else later.

In all honesty, I feel weird and unworthy of the position that I am being pushed towards. Don’t get me wrong, I do wish to be with my Baron for the rest of forever, but despite what I am told by Him and Loki, I am not sure how I will ever be worthy of it. It pretty much makes me uncomfortable, especially with the pace that I am going on my path. It almost feels like They are trying to make up for lost time/pressing fast forward on my progression, and while I have really no choice in the matter, I never quite feel like I have come to terms with one lesson before another is pushed onto me. (“I am giving you the fast track because you can handle it and because you are fighting Me less than I expected.” – Loki)

So, in short, I am going to be Baron’s wife forever. I will be a Loa at His side. This also means that I will have to deal with Loki for the rest of forever too. LOL!

My life is weird.

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One thought on “Apothe-what?

  1. Pingback: A for Apotheosis | Adventures of a Baby Pagan

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