I recently accepted Loki’s proposal to be my patron God now that I am married to Baron. It was consent under duress, sure (He was hounding me almost constantly until I gave Him the answer He wanted), but it was still a yes regardless. Even Sigyn said it was an agreement due to duress and charm, and She would know very well what that was like, I imagine. I agreed that I would dedicate every Friday to Him, and I am sure as we progress in this endeavor, there will be more rules and boundaries to come, from both me and Him.
I am still not sure how I feel about all this, especially because I can see who I was fading away to make room for who I am supposed to be. He is very apt at ensuring that people see themselves as they truly are, and in the short week I have been His devotee, He has made me come to terms with parts of myself I hadn’t even known existed. My old self is fading away and turning to ashes every moment I continue on this path with Him, and it’s a little weird. He is continuing the shift that I had started upon my first tentative steps into this crazy new way of life as a pagan.
For now, all He is asking of me is to write Him into my novel and to work on improving myself, whether that be translating or working on my runes (which looks like Odin might be taking on the teacher role for that) or really anything else that would help me become a better me. He has had several day to day tasks that He has had me do so far, which I have done with little to no waffling on my part… Alright, fine. I have done a lot of digging my heels in and fighting Him, but that is beside the point.
In any case, I am still unsure of how to handle my new relationship with Loki and how to manage/handle the tasks that He is asking of me. I know that I am not even close to being on my Path yet (as I have been told by both Loki and Baron), and I am nervous as to what my Path will entail, but I have decided not to worry over much about it or try to guess as to what it may be. For right now, I am learning how to handle the moments at hand with this complex and mercurial God, and it is proving to be a trial in and of itself.
No matter what my hesitations are, like a moth to flame, I am still drawn to Him, attracted to Him in ways I cannot explain and that He is leaving unexplained for the time being, for reasons only known to Him. I just hope that it is not something as simple as the sexual aspect of the relationship that He has been pushing, despite Him saying, “Nothing so simple as that, love.” In the end, I made my choice and now I am having to live with it.
C’est la vie, I guess.