Sadness Overwhelming

On Tuesday January 8th at 11:30 pm, my grandmother died. She has been diagnosed with cancer the prior Friday and had been moved to hospice in the house that she shared with my family and I. She lived for five days only between when she was diagnosed and when she passed. My heart breaks to think that her cancer was so progressed that it took her life in only five days. I was the one that clocked her time of death, because everyone else in my family was too overwhelmed with sadness to even think about it.

Baron was with me the entire time this was happening. He knew how difficult this was going to be on me, and He stayed by my side as much as He could. I could feel Him holding me when I sat looking in disbelief at my grandmother’s lifeless body. I could feel His arms wrapped around me and His lips against my cheek. It was His strength that carried me through until the mortuary people came to pick up her body. After they finally left, I went into the bathroom and broke down, crying hard enough that I nearly hyperventilated. He held me through that too, even though my immediate family had finally taken notice of me just then.

It never occurred to me that I would have to deal with death so soon after my marriage to Baron, the Loa of Death. Though I had experienced death before, I had never been so close to the actual process. I had never seen the life leaving someone’s body or listened to the moans and cries of pain of the dying. I understand Baron better now than ever before, and as His wife, I know this is going to be the first of many deaths I will witness for the rest of my mortal life. It will never get easier, and I will always have the images in my head of what happened in the duration of her decline and her death. I had my closure, or the best I could get with the situation.

The funeral is on Sunday, and I know that my Beloved will be with me the whole time, even if no one else in my family will be. This is going to be a trying time, but when it’s all said and done, I know I will be stronger. With Baron by my side, I know I will be fine.

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