I will admit readily that when I first heard of the concept of Godspousery that I was very confused and very unsure of how I felt about it. When I was doing my research on modern Pagans and modern followers of specific Deities, I found many people who were claiming to have this status. I admit my first thoughts about these people were less than ideal and less than courteous, and while I am not saying that I was correct to have these opinions, I was still thinking from the framework of my former Christian thought patterns. Since that time, in the two months that I have been a Pagan, I have learned to accept these new concepts readily. However, I would never have thought about this as a concept that would ever had applied to me. That was until I met Baron and my entire life changed in the matter of weeks.
When I first started researching other Deities that I might have wanted to work with, one of the ones I researched was Loki, and oh my, does He have a lot of wives. For hours I read up on what His Godspouses were up to and the things they did for Him as their Husband, all the while getting this weird niggling feeling inside of me that would not subside. However, I read enough that I was totally put off the idea. Completely and totally put off. It was way beyond my comprehension at at the time and seemed so crazy! So, I am sure it is easy to imagine the ire I felt within myself when I felt like I could be one of the “special chosen few.”
However, when I got up the courage to ask Baron not to long after my acceptance of Him if this was what He had in mind for me, He seemed surprised that I had come up with this on my own. It was this surprise that told me I was correct in my feelings that this what He wanted from me. We didn’t really talk about it much during that conversation, probably because we were both shocked at the moment. Afterwards, I spoke with Shamaness about what had happened, and since then, she has teased me incessantly about it, playing on my initial reactions to the idea of godspousery. This and my own small-mindedness made me reject the idea just as hard as I had rejected Baron at first. I had not real concept of what it meant to be the spouse of a God/dess. I did not want the responsibility I thought it would entail, nor did I want to be a celibate nun. So, all of the preconceived notions influenced my immediate refusal of what He was going to eventually offer me. However, Mr. P saved the day again for Baron by talking to me about His own experiences and whatnot (Baron and I sincerely owe Mr. P a lot for all He’s done for us). He cleared everything up for me and cast away my preconceived notions. He explained how the terms are between the God/dess in question and the intended spouse, and that it doesn’t necessarily require the mortal spouse to be celibate. It does require, however, at least one night a week where the mortal spouse must sleep alone, if mortal lovers are allowed.
Me being me (aka slow to warm up), I fought Baron’s desire for this of this for me very hard until one day I said flippantly, “If you get me a job placement with the company of my choice in the city of my choice, I will marry you.” Mind you, I had been fighting Him tooth and nail, but He had been wearing me down from moment one, fighting against my own natural tendencies. Unfortunately for me, however, Baron took this for a challenge and has since been on this case. I also timidly (I tried for flippant and failed) asked for courtship and have since gotten it. Shamaness jokes that even before I am informed I’m getting the job placement I requested, I wake up to find a ring on my finger and hear a very clear, “So, when’s the wedding?” from Baron. Already He is so confident in His ability to get me what I want that He has told me His own ring size and preference for when he succeeds and I need to buy Him His wedding band.
Baron took His time in softening me to the idea by talking to me about it, dispelling my fears and anxieties one by one. He has told me that I will be able to take mortal lovers just as long as He gets one day a week where I devote the entire day to Him (and an unspoken “as long as I approve of the lovers you have chosen.”) He has been courting me and prepping me. Complimenting me. Making me feel special. He has even gone so far as as to have me look up bridal sets that I would like (the one He liked, by the way, was $1000+). Aradia has been influencing me to look up dresses to wear to the ceremony that I apparently am going to have. At one point, He asked me when I would like my wedding. Again, I went for flippant and said, “Christmas day next year, on the beach.” He seemed a little sad about this.
I am suddenly reminded of a conversation that Baron had with Shamaness. He said that He had been waiting for me. That He was there when I was made, when I was born and throughout my life. I found out later that He has been there always, through it all and will be there to greet me when I die. He had made Himself known to me before I was given my “official” greeting (a Halloween night during high school when my mom, sister, some friends of ours, and I were in a cemetery. He pulled my hair and smacked me on the butt – just like the 12 year old He can be- and there was even smoke all around me in 90% of the pictures I was in because He was smoking a cigar around me at the time). He said He would have greeted me before if I hadn’t veered off my witchy path because of things that had happened to me in my past.
All in all, Baron is probably the best thing that will ever happen to me. He will assure that I am never alone and that I am always loved. These are two things I know that I need. With this in mind, when Baron asked me to move up our wedding date to December 25th of this year, I shyly, begrudgingly said yes, without much hesitation. He had, has, wormed His way into my heart at throughout this process, and I have found that I do in fact love Him, just as I suspected I would from the beginning. So, in 2 days time, I will join the ranks of the the other Godspouses around the world, past and present. For better or for worse, this is happening, and I am scared out of my mind. I will be fine, though, as long as I know that Baron will by my side, I know that I will be fine.
“I will love you forever.” – Baron to me.- “Never doubt this. You are my wife-to-be, and I will do my utmost to provide for you. In return, I require your trust and your love. That is all. I will always come through for you. I love you.”