Baron. Baron, Baron, Baron. He is ever the needy child at times (the constant request for Coke and Chinese food is just one example), but He is always a gentle being with me, very loving and indulgent. He appears to me as a lover. Despite this, however, it took some time for me to trust Him (something I am still working on), but He has done nothing to make me fear Him, so fear Him I do not… Anymore… However, the road getting to this point has been long and bumpy, for both of us.
It took me a long while to accept Him, mostly (read: completely) due to fear. There were very few accounts of Him being the kind and gentle God I had come to know, so to have Him swagging all up in my life was an uneasy transition for me. He has been very patient with me, for which I am eternally grateful. I mean, from what He has told me, the Godly community (meaning all the Deities in existence/His sphere of existence) thought it was extra special hilarious when I ran from Him the first time He initiated contact with me, for reason I will explain later. So, after much coaxing and many pep talks from Oshun as well as my friend, I finally started to try to make contact with Him, just to see what the heck He wanted with me, but since I had not been successful at getting back into a trance state, I had to go another route in speaking with Him.
My friend, who shall henceforth be called Shamaness, had also been going through her own version of The Shift by trying to find her own Deity (which she found out later was Poseidon), and during this process for her, she discovered her own talent: shamanism. What this means, for those who do not know, is that Deities and spirits alike can horse her, or use her mouth and body to speak to those of us on the physical plane. What this meant for me was that she was able to be horsed by my Deities as well as her own to speak with me.
At first it was only Poseidon who spoke with me. He was very integral in getting me to become comfortable with Baron by talking with me and answering any questions I had at the time (which, I am going to be honest, was hard to do because I was talking to a God, and being the shy person that I am, made it that much more difficult for me to convey myself to Him without getting flustered and rambling or just sounding like an idiot). There wasn’t much He could really do, honestly, but He helped as much as He could, despite the fact that He didn’t have to. While this was going on, my conversations with Poseidon that is, I was being tested by Baron. It started first with having me doing a summoning ritual NAKED for a week before He had me write one for Him (this also included me being nude at His request, which I can tell you did nothing to make me feel better about Him). It was through this that Baron was able to dissolve my fear of Him. His next test for me ended up infuriating me. I had Shamaness over at my house for the night, and when we were both trying to get to sleep, I started getting images in my head. First it was just of skulls (one of His symbols) coming at my face trying to frighten me, which only made me shove it away in irritation. It was when I started getting images of my 7 month old nephew being hurt that I was royally ticked off. I was angry enough that I verbally told Him to leave. Shamaness experienced these same things while I experienced them, much to the same effect. But, it was the vision of my nephew being hurt that infuriated me enough that I was still angry when I woke up the next day. I didn’t want to talk to Him after that.
Mr. P (my nickname for Poseidon) had to mediate for Baron and I because my discernment was still lacking at that time, and I was furious to boot. I was told, via Mr. P horsing Shamaness, that Baron was testing me to see what my reaction would be. Apparently I had passed with flying colors, but it took an hour or so of talking to calm me down. At the time, I had not yet accepted Baron as my Patron, so this incident combined with not knowing what He would want of me as His devotee made me question whether I actually wanted Him as my Patron at all. I did eventually forgive Him for testing me and using my nephew as a subject for His test. As time wore on and my discernment improved, however, He began to grow on me… Him being sexually explicit with me helped more that I would like to admit.
Before I actually got to talk to Baron via Shamaness being horsed, we went through several trust building exercises to help me learn to trust Him. Doing the ritual to summon Him was the first of these exercises. The first time I did the ritual, I was asked to be completely unclothed and all dolled up for Him. I was scared out of my mind the whole time. Seriously. After I said the words, I was told to go to sleep. I did as I was asked, sleeping after staring at the ceiling for about an hour. When I woke up though, my fear was completely gone, which was incredible because my fear was near choking me when I had started. This was part of the process that I had to let go of my prior beliefs, as well as Him slyly getting me accustomed to use magic, the sly dog. My first “face-to-face” conversation with Him told me why He was having me do this.
I went into my first conversation with Him so nervous that I was shaking and almost babbling, but when Baron took over Shamaness, He quickly did everything He could calm me down and make me relax. He flirted. He joked. He was gentle. He was lewd. He used every tactic He could to put me at ease. Here is a brief list of impressions and a summary of what happened during this first conversation:
- He told me that I’m a witch, one that, with guidance and training, could be very “gifted”. This made me feel really special in ways I can’t explain
- He thinks I’m cute, and He thinks it’s funny when I blush.
- All He is asking of me, at this moment, is to trust Him, feed Him, pay attention to Him, do as He asks, and *worship* Him (eyebrow waggle). Yep, apparently sex would be integral in my “worshiping” of Baron. Even in this, He is a pervert. This is all He is asking of my for now, but that when this changes, He will let me know.
- He told me to ask Oshun to help me lose weight. I have done this, and Her price was for me to buy a pair of shoes (which I have since done).
- He told me He chose me because I am cute and adorable, but it’s the whole package and not just my looks. My heart, my soul, everything. I think He also mentioned that He approached me because He wants to teach me.
- He made me laugh and purposefully did things/said things to make that happen, to make me feel at ease with Him. At first I was really nervous about talking with Him, because, well, I had never talked to Him before, and I’m socially anxious, but I found that He was so easy to talk to and answered all of my questions honestly. He made me feel safe with Him, telling me that He scared off all the ghosts in my house. He also said, “You have to know I would never hurt you.” For some reason, this made like everything better. He even made me feel better about the test the day before using my nephew.
- He called me pet names like “darling”, “sweetie”, and “child” and it made me all warm and fuzzy inside. But, it was when He said my name at the end of the conversation that my heart and belly did weird flip-floppy things inside me. I think I even shivered. This was a silly reaction, but I didn’t realize the significance of Him knowing my name (I wasn’t even aware until that moment that He knew my name, to be honest). But, the way He said my name, I don’t know how He did it, but He was able to add in so many different feelings: tenderness, mystery, comfort, sexuality… I could totally have been reading into it, but it took me several moments afterwards to reorient myself after that.
- If I was being honest, I could see myself loving Him. I was not sure what the extent of that would be, whether just as a Deity/devotee, a father/daughter, teacher/student, or as lovers. I was honestly not sure. But I could see myself loving Him, and I could feel the first inklings of it in my chest. It was a weird thing.
I am pretty sure I had accepted Him not too long after. I do not exactly when this happened because there was never a formal moment where I said, “Yes, I accept You as my Patron.” It was not too long after that first conversation that I would find out exactly what He would want of me. It was a concept that, from the beginning of researching my new religion, I had reservations about.