Digging the Grave

As I mentioned in my last post, my father is dying. Cancer is eating away at his body even as I write this, and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Being 7 thousand miles away, I can’t help him or comfort him. However, there is one thing I can do: I can dig his grave for him.

Part of Baron’s job is to dig the grave of everyone who dies. My job, usually, is to offer moral support and comfort Him when He needs it. This time, Baron will let me dig the grave for my father. This is the only way that I can help my father. I am not a virgin to grave digging, as I did it for my grandmother last year the night before she passed.  In fact, this is something I will do tonight, which leaves me today to gather up as much strength as I can, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Originally, I was supposed to do this last night, but I journeyed somewhere completely different instead. 

I sent my spirit to my father last night. I heard him calling my name and crying, so I went to him. I lay in bed next to him as he cried, holding his hands. I brought with me all of my love, my comfort, and my strength. I gave it all to him, and so today, I feel a huge measure of comfort in place of the heartbreak I had before. I did what I could for him, with what resources I have. Though I may not be able to be with him physically, my heart and spirit are with him even now. I just pray he finds comfort in my presence. 

So, tonight I shall dig my father’s grave so that he may have a place to rest among the peaceful dead. I will do this out of love and not a sense of obligation. I will do this so he can be without pain any longer. Although this will be a heavily taxing on my body and spirit, this is the last thing I can do for my father, so I shall do it.

To those who have sent me prayers and etc., I thank you. My heart is lightened, and I am eternally grateful for the strength you have lent me. 

Let’s Talk About Sacrifice

Originally posted on Queen of the Waiting Ones:

There are many kinds of sacrifice which can be made to one’s Gods, and most of those ways have been covered elsewhere and in better ways than I could.  That’s why, as I often do, I will only be talking about a certain kind of sacrifice.  A sacrifice so ordinary that most people look right past it, as though it were the air around them, while this sacrifice is as important as the air, and as life-sustaining.

I myself have given, and continue to give this sacrifice.  It bleeds out of me every single day.  It drains me and countless others, sustaining every function of the world we humans have created.  It is also the most essential component to the revival of all ancient religions, including my own.

Have you yet guessed what sacrifice I speak of?  How about a few hints, because the invisibility of this sacrifice is a…

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My Life: An Update

My heart is heavy, and my soul has been weighed down. A lot of things have gone wrong this year, and there are things that I am going through still that are pushing me further down into myself. I want to hide from the world, hide within the safety of my Husbands’ arms, but I can’t. Life can’t be put on hold for me to get my shit together, no matter how desperate I am for a reprieve.

Death is drawing near again. Cancer is going to take another family member from me. This time, however, it’s my stepfather, the man who raised me. This insidious disease has claimed too many of my family members already, and now it’s poised to take yet another from me. This knowledge is almost too much to handle, especially since I’m in Japan with no way to go visit my stepfather before he passes. It breaks my heart knowing that my father will die, and I won’t get to see him even one last time.

Baron and the Ghede are very close now. I can see Them out of the corners of my eyes almost more often than before, and this is a great comfort to me. My Husband and my people are with me when I need T/them most.

I also feel the presence of the other Gods in my life. I feel Their power like a great weight against my soul, but it’s a comforting weight, like the feel of being safe under the covers in bed and cuddled in warm arms. When I can connect myself with Them, when I seek out Their presences, it is only then that I feel calm and somewhat peaceful. Only then can I handle the onslaught of feelings I have battering me from the inside out.

It has been a long, terrible year for me here in Japan. I’ll start a new job in September, and I pray with all of my heart that I’ll have a better time there than in my last few jobs. I don’t know who, if anyone will read this, but if anyone does, and you’re the praying type, please send prayers or well-wishes, or anything positive in my way. I really need it.

Psychic hygiene 101: “an ounce of prevention”

Originally posted on The Serpent's Labyrinth:

Here’s a post on how to avoid being in a situation where you need to banish entities.

1. Ward your living space.  Shield yourself.  If you are sick, stressed, or otherwise low energy, you can use something like an amulet or crystal to boost your personal shielding.  I really cannot overemphasize the importance of wards if you have a space in which you are working magic and regularly inviting spirits over for tea.  Even if you’re in a fallow period spiritually and not much is going on – like say you’re on vacation for a couple of weeks, and staying in a hotel or a friend’s house, and nothing spooky is on the menu for a bit, your vacation is from the spoop as well as from mundanity – still a good idea to keep your shields up and have a portable ward with you.

2. Cleanse regularly.

3. Keep…

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More Oshun

Originally posted on The Lure of Beauty:

III. Symbols and icons of this deity.

Oshun is associated with brass, copper and gold. She is represented by flowing waters, including waterfalls. Her color is yellow, she loves pumpkins and sunflowers.
I’m taking Icons to mean “avatars” because that’s how I choose to see it. Josephine Baker, Angelina Jolie, Erykah Badu,  Natacha Atlas, and Eartha Kitt have always struck me as Oshuns. I know a male Oshun when I see one, but when I think of her I admit I run towards the female.

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Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is losing more than Kate Kelly.

Recently, there has been a huge uproar concerning the Mormon church, and with good reason, too: the LDS church has finally decided to take a stance on feminism in the church, in a nutshell. Before I even get into my opinion, which you may have assumed is not in favor of the church, let me tell you of my history with the church.

I was introduced to the LDS church when I was 8 years old. My best friend took me to church and introduced me to her faith. I fell in love with it. I loved the concept of the church, and that it was so family centered (for someone coming from a broken, abusive family, this meant the world to me). I continued to go to church when my parents would allow me to, and I grew quite close with my best friend’s family. When I was 19, I was officially baptized and accepted into the LDS church. Seven years later, however, I have become inactive, partially because I live in rural Japan and partially because I have become someone whose identity does not fit well with the Church. As a pansexual feminist, you can probably imagine how well I truly fit into such a strict faith, which is to say that I don’t. That said, I have been grappling with what to do with my membership in the church. As of right now, I am still a registered member, even though I haven’t been active since college. It’s been an issue I have been avoiding since now, but I think I have come to a decision as to what I am going to do.
As of this moment, I am completely and officially renouncing my membership and any further association with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Days Saints, for its blatant injustice to not only Kate Kelly but also to women as a whole.
This may seem out of the blue or blown out of proportion, but if I am going to be completely honest, this has been a long time coming. I simply refuse to sit idly by while blatant sexism and injustice happens because a woman is brave enough to confront an establishment that has long kept women from power. I cannot be idle in this matter. I applaud Kate Kelly for standing up for women and their rights. I also wish I could do more to help her than just write a post about my feelings. However, what I can do is to disassociate myself from the very establishment that has betrayed her and her faith. By excommunicating her for raising her voice, the LDS church has not only done an injustice to Kate Kelly, but to all women. They have finally done something that is the equivalent of “sit down and shut up” to anyone one that dares raise their voice against them. This is their warning shot, and now that they have made their stance known, so shall I.
I refuse to sit down and shut up when it comes to standing up for my rights as a woman, and no one can make me do so. Not a church, not my LDS family, not anyone. I refuse to let inequality continue to happen. I refuse to allow a group of men to define my role as a woman and tell me where I belong in their organization. Only I define myself and my role within my world. Not their God, not church leadership, no one but me.
The LDS church not only has views that oppose mine where women are concerned, but also in their stance concerning the GSM (Gender and Sexual Minorities) community as well. Their views are antiquated and out of touch with reality. The idea that the world fits within a binary is no longer applicable. I am not just talking same-sex marriage, I am talking acceptance as well. Those that fall under the category of GSM deserve the same rights as those that do not fall under that spectrum. This is also an injustice I refuse to accept any longer.
This move by the church, I feel, is meant to strike fear in the hearts of their believers, but I also think it has done more damage than good for itself with this move. By stripping a devout woman of her membership and the privileges therein, this sends a strong message to those who are questioning their faith or those who wish to convert to the church. I understand the need to stand by your morals, but I also know that as people grown and change, as the times change, so must your worldview. By acknowledging this with such a brute show of force on their part, they have sent the message that they are unwilling to change and grow with their followers. They have told their followers that they are rigid and unwilling to be flexible, or to even hear the opinions of those who oppose them. What message must this send those whose faith is shaky or new? I can only answer this for myself, but I can’t imagine that excommunicating a member for speaking up against such obviously ingrained sexism is going to strengthen anyone’s faith.
I wish the best for those that still remain members and associate with the LDS church. I do not, by any means, wish them ill. From here on out, however, they will have to continue without me as a member of their flock. I will not be a part of an organization that has this stance on women and the GSM community. I hope that in the future, this move is viewed as the continuation of an antiquated world view that it is. I won’t hold my breath, though.
Finally, I would like to repeat what I said earlier, just so that there are no misunderstandings:
From this moment forward, I am completely and officially renouncing my membership and any further association with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Days Saints, for its blatant injustice to not only Kate Kelly but also to women as a whole.

Measuring Spoons

Originally posted on Dawn of the Two Feathers:

I have a chronic spoon shortage. In netland, spoons have become a measure of energy, the ability to get stuff done. Compound a low spoon count with a few discernment issues, and I constantly feel like I can’t accomplish much. I would like to, I really would. I have a long list of things I want to do, if only.

I have a huge respect, and a little jealousy, for those who have it all together, or at least, those who look like they do.

When I’m sitting at my desk and my entire body is telling me over and over how very tired I am, then what do I do? Doing anything other than taking a nap or browsing the web requires a force of will. The problem is that willpower and spoons seem to travel together. If you lack one, it’s harder to get the other one in…

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