Rest in Peace, Father Mine

So, the funeral for my father was on Saturday, US time, and the original plan was to have me watch over skype. However, my sister couldn’t get enough reception to have me watch. On top of this, my father’s girlfriend (long story short: my parents separated about a year ago), wouldn’t let my sister read the eulogy that I wrote for him, for reason’s beyond my comprehension and knowledge. Obviously, this upset me intensely. So, I posted it on my facebook so that my family members and my dad’s friends could read what I wrote for him. I thought I had done the right thing for myself, for my grief, but apparently what I posted offended the girlfriend’s daughter. This girl decided to harass me and insult me by questioning why I hadn’t been there for him and saying that what I had written as a preface to my eulogy on facebook was inappropriate. Ultimately, I just blocked her, but it cut me deep to have someone throw in my face the question “Why weren’t you there for him? Where were you when he was on his deathbed.” The defensive part of me wanted to be like, “Bitch, I live in fucking Japan. I would like to see you shell out $2 thousand dollars on short notice for a plane ticket.” However, because I am a civil person… Most of the time… I just asked her to leave me be, and when she didn’t. I blocked her.

Anyways, I wanted to post here what I wrote for him. I edited out his name for the sake of my family’s privacy. I would say “please enjoy”, but I don’t think that is appropriate in this context, but I am not quite sure how to preface this. Anyways, again, here you go. I hope you like it.

[My father] came into my life when I was only five years old, and unlike any man before him, he stayed. He truly became my father, raising me and guding me not because he had to, but because he wanted to. This taught me that family is more than blood and genetics. It is the bonds you share with someone who has put time and effort into your well-being, sometimes above their own. He taught me what it meant to be a father.

He taught me the meaning of hard work and perseverance, taught me that with persistence and elbow grease, anything can be accomplished. Without this lesson, I would not be where I am now, living my dream. I will strive to work hard in all areas of my life in honor of his memory and to teach this lesson to my children when the time comes.

Most of all, though, [he] taught me that the true measure of a man is not in great deeds or great sacrifices, but in the small, day-to-day moments. It is measured by the accumulation of all the little things that make up one’s life. He taught me that strength is not just physical, but also mental, emotional, and spiritual. These things are the measure of a truly great man, and [he] was one such man.

[My father] wasn’t perfect, no man is, but he was and is still great to me. I will miss making his coffee in the morning and hearing him say the word “blitherin”. I will miss his silly jokes and the stupid movies he loved to watch. Actually, there won’t be anything that I won’t miss. I will miss him and all the little things that made him dear to me for the rest of my life.

Thank you, Dad, for all that you have taught me. May you rest in peace. I love you, Dad.

I See Dead People

For days before my father’s death, I dreamt of him. Hel, I even dreamt of him mere hours before he passed. Now that he is gone, my dreams of him are gone too, and I am not sure whether I am sad or relieved that he is no longer a presence in my sleeping world. I don’t always put stock in my dreams, but when something happens repeatedly, I always make sure to pay attention. I was assured that my dreams were something I should pay attention to, when I asked Baron about them.

I was Told that my dreams were my last contact with my father, not just because I wanted to have some contact with him before he passed, but also because it was my Duty to bring my father’s spirit to rest. I did my Duty to him by digging his grave and laying him to rest, just as Baron does with others who have died. Normally I would have just stood by the grave with a lantern while Baron dug the grave, but as I have said before, I was granted the privilege of burying and laying to rest the souls of my family and friends. Morbid this may sound, it gives me a measure of comfort in times of loss. I am not sure whether there is a name for it or not, but this is a Path of mine that I will be doing more and more as time goes on. This will be one of the Faces I will take on once I am a goddess, or so I am Told.

I really have nothing more to add to this , but this was something that I thought I should post about. I am still grieving, but I have been blessed with love and support from my Husbands, my Gods, and the people in my life. It’s more than I expected, and thank the Gods for that. I have truly needed it this past week.

Death Comes Again

I knew it was coming. I had known for about half a year, but when I found out that my father died, grief was overwhelming. Nothing truly prepares you for the death of a loved one, not even being the Wife of Death. The grief is still so near that I cannot really write about it now. I will write more when I can, but I don’t know when that will be.  Thank you for your patience during this hard time.

Quiet on the Homefront

Things have been really hectic as of late. I started a new job that a absolutely love, and I have been busy trying to get to know my students as well as becoming accustomed to the new schedule, which is different every day. Exhausting, to be sure, but rewarding.

Now that I am living in a quieter environment and have more time to reflect, I am getting better reception on my Godphone, which is a huge relief. I have felt such a disconnect with my Beloveds and the other Deities in my Pantheon. I have been able to spend some quality time with my Gods that had not been possible until recently. This was not due to neglect on my part, I am Told, but rather I had a person come into my life that helped me learn many things about myself. This person (henceforth called Canadian) helped me in diminishing the effects of the trauma that I had sustained throughout my childhood, as well as helping me become aware of the world around me. In order to become a good Khaleesi, this was something I needed to do.

All in all, everything has been going quite well. My mind has never felt clearer. I hope to continue this upward trend so that I can become the best person I can be, for myself and my Gods. 

Where’s the Support?

Originally posted on Queen of the Waiting Ones:

So, I’m curious and have a question for all the super serious Pagans, Polytheists and other Alternative Religious folks out there who so often proclaim that they are all about founding new temples and other types of religious worship areas for those of our kind.  Where exactly, is your support for the Maetreum of Cybele?

I know most of you have read the recent Wild Hunt article detailing the Maetreum’s struggle against the Town of Catskill, NY, where government officials there have vowed to spend the Maetreum into bankruptcy, despite the Town’s losses in court.  Is it because you are tired of hearing about the priestesses’ plight?  If so, why haven’t you donated anything to help ease their burden?  This lawsuit has been going on for several years, and if you think you are tired and burnt out with it, just imagine if you were one of the priestesses.  Priestesses…

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“Apotheosis” and “I Was Born for This”: Songs that Speak to Me

This video is a medley from the PS3 video game called “Journey”. This video game was truly breathtaking in a way that I had not experienced before. Not only were the graphics incredibly beautiful, but the soundtrack to this game blew me away. Never have I been so moved by a video game before, and it came at a time when I needed to be reminded of something very important. 

This game reminded me that there was more to this life than what I was doing. I was so mired in the daily grind, the stress of an ill-fitting job that I forgot my purpose here in this life, forgot what I was supposed to be doing with my time. The excuses as to why this is matter not; what does matter is that my Gods gave me a reminder in a way that would be very clear to me that I needed to step back and look at the bigger picture of my life instead of only seeing the small, imperfect details. I am a Khaleesi and, at the end of this life, I am to become a Goddess. It matters that I remember this above all else, so that I can keep things in perspective.

The Gods, I have found, will always speak to you in a way that you can understand and will give you the signs you need in order to get you to pay attention. For me, giving me signs and omens via audio and visual media have always been the most successful way to communicate with me, and it has proven effective time and time again. Thankfully, unlike a lot of mainstream religions, the Gods don’t apply a “one size fits all” approach to Their followers.

Anyways, please enjoy this song, and if you are so inclined, here are the links to the rest of the soundtrack and where to buy the game. :-)